What shall I write?

What shall I write for men to see and women to spy? Not I for I am shy!
I have allways identified with that phrase, in many ways it sums up my outlook on life, the fear of expressing feelings of affection!
I can express rage, anger, pity, concern and hate without hesitation, but words of affection leave me tongue tied, a hug makes me flinch, hold my hand and I die of embarassment. I can lay the blame at many doors but can I overcome what has become so ingrained in my mentality?
With three failed marriages behind me I have acknowledged that I love to be loved yet I could not love in return? How could I breach this emotional void?
I met Derry online and for a year we chatted for hours each day. During the course of these hundreds of hours we formed an understanding that allowed us to open up to each other, we expressed our feelings and fears, including my emotional blocks. Derry told me when we met he was going to hold my hand and walk in public. At first I was almost afraid of this possibility, I ran the scenario through my mind and slowly it did not seem so bad in fact I began to like the idea but could I do it?
We met after a year during which time we developed an incredible bond and understanding, it was as if we had allways known each other, no pretensions existed, we were totally at ease with each other, so when the moment came and he took my hand there was no fear, no worry about what people might say - it was wonderfull, I could feel, I could love, it was a new dawn in my life.
Derry reminds me of a soft centred chocolate, appearing hard and slightly rough on the outside but so soft on the inside, from our first meeting love has bloomed, we live on different continents, every few months we have spent time together, we have survived endless problems and dramas but we are soul mates, very soon we will be together forever, we are engaged and planning our wedding. He understands me, he has taken me by the hand and shown me how to love.
Yesterday I took the final hurdle, he wrote on my facebook page for all to see "I love Robinne" "I am going to marry Robinne", my hands froze, I baulked, I swallowed hard but I took a deep breath and wrote "Love you too Huni".